On Friendship

i know i'm no expert on this topic. who is? there is no art or science or trick to it. it is a universal phenomenon that just is and be.

i have mentioned in a previous post that a colleague friend of mine will be assigned to an expat post somewhere in a 4-hour trip country away from here. she's leaving this sunday. and there has been a big hoopla in the lab for her despedida/farewell party. i, of course, (for all my eccentricities and idiosyncracy) refused to be swayed to a tempo that is not so my own. and so there i was going about my own business for the last two days and refusing to dive in on the sudden craze of slumbook fever this time. Hooha! for those who know me best, they'd know i am not the type of person to be easily swayed into going along with the crowd. i do not like being bug-bitten by the fad or the 'in' thing at the moment. truth be to tell, i boycotted watching Titanic when it came out back in my College days. i found it totally appalling seeing my housemate go all-a-gaga over Jack and Rose- she even watched it 7 times! (that's seven consecutive weeks of cinematic fever! bigosh!)

and so after having eaten to our fill, i, along with several colleagues, went to queue for up for dessert when somebody started talking. friend jane suddenly laughed and commented out loud, " Aay, may speech pa pala." it was quite comical seeing us scampering back to our seats. then suddenly our hostess for the day declared loudly:
"now you'll know who are your true friends. they are the ones who have written here", indicating to the scrapbook she's been carrying all along. somebody from among the guests, let out: " hey, does that mean i'm not josie's friend? i didn't write there?" to which i seconded: "then i must not be her friend either, too." my close friends there were suddenly poking at me. "Ikaw kasi."

hmm, now let me think. and clearly, i mean.

is friendship really measured by the willingness to succumb to an idea that is not so me? should i ride on all pretense and just write on that scrapbook-thingy so i'd be considered one of her friends? or should i just be? ... without pretense, self-willed, holding onto my own conviction? or would it be stubbornness?

yikes! i actually know the answer to this already. bygollygee.. this is so petty! hehehe...

In Search of Gratitude

A seemingly dubious sense of false pride swells up deep within me everytime somebody makes me feel so small. Once, I heard the big boss talk about our (us employees’) feeling of entitlement to something he said we should not feel entitled to. At that time, I felt so small, so low, so humiliated. In his attempt to make us realize we should not demand something, I only felt an unabashed sense of humiliation. As if we were groveling at his feet demanding, nay begging (like beggars) for a measly sum of comfort. Since then, I told myself I will not expect anything from the company I work for. Especially when all it did was make me feel so undeserving, I will not allow it to make me feel so small again.

From the boss’s point of view, the company has extended its hand for so long a time that people are generally thinking they have this right when in the first place employee benefits were given as a privilege. True enough, some employees have indeed started acting and feeling in this manner- seeping dry the very well of compassion and concern that has been there offered all this time. However, in fairness to those of us who have not even taken advantage of the benefits, his action only fueled in me a sense of resentment against him, and also against the company he stands for. Since then I’ve felt resolute aversion to my work and have mastered the art of accomplishing things in lackadaisical manner. I cannot seem to find it in my heart to act out a farce.

And I’ve kept asking myself: Should I feel grateful?

My Sad Sad Heart

Here I am again on a night shift. Well, I'm thankful to have had the long holy week break and took advantage of the mini-vacation: went to the beach, heard Good Friday's last words at a Tagaytay monastery, had a wonderful Easter celebration, and spent the remainder of the week watching Jumong.

Oh, but it made me sad. I'm just so sad. The story left me with a heavy heart. It's such a sad love story.

I've often been asked some things about love. And my answer remains the same. I will tell it in my own good time. Love's mystery does get unlocked in due time. Time heals love's wounds.

From Jumong's website:
"Meet the love even bigger than the history. ‘Love’ seems to be the one common denominator across people of all generations and nations. ‘Love’ gets swept away with the waves of time and also gets hurt with biased views in societies, but it also creates a new kind of history by wrestling against adversity and the trials of time. True love, which is uncommonly seen in history, is re-drawn through the drama of our once forgotten history."

Kindness

Today I met a kind soul. I was hurrying to get to a seminar regarding updates on laboratory techniques that was sponsored by one of our suppliers, Merck. But being in the heart of Makati just spells some kind of disaster for me. Then there was this young lady who had the heart to help me out by giving me directions on how to get to the venue. Bless her for her kindness. Because of her I was early there, was able to take breakfast first and even got a token for being one of the earliest to arrive. God bless her indeed for letting me feel blessed, too.

In our life, we meet people who we can consider friends or acquaintances, if even for a brief moment. They either helped us up at one time, or held our hand, or touched our heart in certain ways that told us their hearts have spoken to our heart... again even if for just a moment.

I have met my angel for the day.

What a Journey

time flies by so fast. what do you know? i'm here back again at my desk on a night shift. and racing against time before i turn off the radio, refresh my pc page, and soon head on for bed. hmm...

i learned yesterday that a colleague just resigned from work and is headed for NZ with plans of hubby and son following after a year. sad.. i just felt saddened suddenly. she left with barely two sentences in her email recounting "what a journey it has been" for her here.

what about me? what of my plans then? will i journey on?


btw, i'm presently half-listening to the Madrigals' version of 'What Matters Most" - - uh huh..
what matters most? well, i think that deserves a longer blog time.

What Pleasant Surprise

The rains were pouring heavily outside while my eyes stayed glued to the TV set. I lay on the bed contemplating whether I should be doing my laundry, but alas, Food Network got the better of me. Ahh, another week’s gone by quite uneventfully save for a few close calls at the office and the previous night’s intermittent phone rings from my mom (yep, I do get regular calls from my parents still ..). The week turned up to be a bit of a drag, actually.

Well, on days like this, nothing beats a hot mug of something to sip while lazing around in bed. I finished watching My Best Friend’s Wedding (for the nth time) and fell asleep halfway through LOTR.

Then I was awakened by the sharp beeps of my phone. I turned to read my message as I felt around for the remote control. There were already a few messages in my inbox. I slowly scrolled along each message and replied to the senders. When I got to the last message, I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was from my good friend Lennie saying she’s in Tagaytay. I scrambled out of bed hastily managing to toss a change of clothes into my Masferre bag (thanks to Me-anne for getting me one from Sagada). And immediately rode a jeep to meet Lennie at Olivarez Plaza. She and son Matthew were grabbing a few needed items inside the supermarket when I arrived.

It’s been over a year since I last saw Len. And how Matthew has grown since then. Upon seeing me, he was like testing the waters at first. It took several minutes for him to warm up to me again. He has been eyeing me for about 20 minutes before I heard him utter a few words in my direction. When asked his age, he answered “Four” as he flashed 4 fingers to my face.

It was already seven when we arrived at the hotel. Len immediately started preparing the meals while Matthew splashed around in the bath tub, afterwards happily changing into his Spiderman shirt.

As we proceeded to catch up on all that’s been happening in each other’s life, I realized that nothing but a good talk with your close friend can really warm the heart.

Walking down memory lane, we talked about both past and recent events that have made us stronger as a person and which have helped develop our character. We talked about people both familiar and unfamiliar, and places that we have been to. We reminisced of the old days back to our Cubao senior year all in between munches of Sinaing na Tulingan and rice for dinner and antipasto brownies, a pack of chips and gulps of softdrinks. The next thing we knew, it was already 10:30 and Len’s husband George was already texting us. We went to fetch him and his friend Gary. Back at the hotel, we got into a few more talk at the table then went to bed exhausted for the day.

Sunday brought more torrential rains as typhoon Glenda lashed out its fury outside. There was no more adventure that we could do in the downpour. So the guys slept of the whole morning while Len and I continued our catching up all through breakfast (which naturally lasted for a few more hours).

We checked out at 12:50 just after we finished Batman Returns on HBO. Lunch at Mushroomburger was at 1:30 and soon we were on our way to Tatay Ato’s home in Silang. Tatay Ato is a farmer who took George into his care when George was still doing his College fieldwork practicum organizing a farmer’s cooperative in Silang, Cavite. George proudly mentioned that Tatay Ato now has a big house as well as huge tract of land. He was able to sell a portion of his land by the highway and managed to secure another piece of land in the interior at a much lower price. Now he enjoys his days manning the store they have built on their new land and also selling a variety of ornamental plants in front of the store.

We enjoyed the crisp cold air in their land and spent the whole afternoon with Tatay Ato’s family. They treated us to a sumptuous dinner of authentic Tinolang manok, Braised Pork and Pork BBQ. It was such gastronomic delight!

Upon learning that George now pre-occupies his days off doing some gardening activities, Tatay Ato segregated a few pots of ornamentals for George to take back home. I managed to snag a couple of pots myself – a bromeliad in bloom and a money tree. Along with the plants, George also took home several pineapples and 2 bunches of banana.

Stars were slowly creeping up the twilit sky as we got ready to hit the road again. After saying thanks to Tatay Ato’s family, we went on our way. I was dropped off at the staffhouse where I’m staying as they went their merry way to Ampid, Rizal which is still a good 70 kilometers away.

By and by, typhoon notwithstanding, my Tagaytay sojourn was a marvelous weekend topper. Thank goodness for wonderful friends!

new movements

am sensing new movements at work... sigh...

apart from me and our microbiologist being merged into the in-process section, our chemist supervisor is being sent to the Land of Smiles for expat work there. another colleague leaving.. so sad. seems our seasoning plant there badly need assistance from the more experienced leaders here in the Phillys. way to go, 'te jo!

on another count, i'd say this is good news after all. hey, we'll have free board when we go visit you there in thailand. ohh,.. i'm counting winks now. teeheehee...