May 30, 2014

Sad Again

Feeling Gray

irritation is needlessly irksome. it appears at anytime and without much ado. this time again, i woke up with that heavy feeling, like a seemingly double-edged sword hanging above me. 

so finally i snap.

all those years of holding it in and keeping it together. i can't do it anymore.

so just please indulge me.

else, i will be the one to break.  

May 29, 2014

Thief in the House

it was on a day like this.

my mom couldn't sleep and was up all night waiting for my bro.

last night... i too felt it.

i couldn't sleep and so had to get out of the room every 30 minutes to check if my brother has come home. i was finally able to nod off around two o'clock. then he returned. both me and mom woke up to the dogs barking. i checked the time. it was past 4 o'clock in the morning. i met him and asked for my phone back. he said not to worry, he'd give it back. i insisted to have it right away. he said later.

it's gone. he took my phone and pawned it.

like all the other stuff we have in the house, he took it and pawned it. gone are all of mom's jewelry (those that are valuable and can be pawned anyway) and even our electronic gadgets (several phones, laptop, camera).

and so it'll start again. us asking where it was pawned and how much needed to buy it back. once we get it back, he gets it again and pawns it again and the process repeats until we can not get it back anymore. a useless, endless cycle of saving - a thing and a soul.

now it's tiring.