February 26, 2009

Renewal or Catastrophe?

yesterday was ash wednesday. managed to get myself to church right after work for mass at st. mary's. thanks to a kind soul, kabayan dennis, who let me ride with him in the taxi. ang hirap pa naman makakuha ng taxi in our part of deira.

crisis, the father said, can either bring about renewal or catastrophe. it depends on how you react towards the crisis. whether it's a personal crisis, spiritual crisis or economic crisis, its ultimate outcome in your life would be considerably affected by how you handle matters as they come. any kind of crisis is an alarm- an alarm for us to do something with our life or with our outlook on life. sometimes the Lord brings us to a crisis in our life because He wants to bring us closer to Him. else, if we do not change and continue with our old ways, this will lead to a catastrophe because there is no renewal.

during these difficult times, it is always a good thing to hear counsel from the Lord. it may be through dear friends or family or leaders in church or in school. even tiny wisps of wisdom that come to you in unexpected moments.

"create in me a clean heart...."

February 22, 2009

One More Week

i've one week more to go before i turn another year older. another year to write on my tabula rasa. another year to learn more and laugh more and face life's challenges. i do not understand why all these have to be. but still, i thank the Lord.

Thank You Lord
I thank You Lord, for the trials that come my way

In that way I can grow each day, As I let You lead
And I thank You Lord for the patience those trials bring
In that process of growing, I can learn to care

Chorus:But it goes against the way I am
To put my human nature down
And let the Spirit take control of all I do
For when those trials come
My human nature shouts the thing to do
And God's soft prompting can be easily ignored.

But I thank You Lord, with each trial I feel inside
That You're there to help lead and guide me away from wrong
For You promised, Lord, that with every testing
That Your way of escaping's easier to bear


Yes, I thank You Lord, for the victory that growing brings
In surrender of everything, life is so worthwhile
And I thank You Lord, that when everything's put in place
Out in front I can see Your face
And it's there You belong

yes, i'm thankful. i'm thankful as well that my bro is back here in dubai now.


woke up lighthearted; was aiming to atttend the early morning mass with my cousin and aunt but decided instead on the 9am one which actually gave us ample time to relax a bit as we ate our breakfast. we were early in church and able to pick a good seat.

the Gospel was about the healing of the paralytic who was lowered down from the roof by his friends. faith played a big role in this story. it is the faith of his friends that moved Jesus to heal him. when Jesus saw the determination of the friends to get the sick man to Him, overcoming obstacles of the big crowd and making a hole on the roof of the house, He saw that they were clinging to their faith.

i realized that my worries are really trivial compared to the lot of so many people around the world. and to think that these last few days, i've been really feeling down in the dumps. and already, i've lost hope. so much for my faith, huh, or the lack of it is more like it. seems that my niece has more faith in me than i have in myself.

the priest also mentioned that praying for others is one way of moving the Lord because He is easily moved by prayers that are not self-directed but are intended for other people. i now appreciate more fully the Prayers for the Faithful that we pray during mass and to really mean it when we recite the Apotle's Creed (I believe in God....)- truly mean it, believe it and have faith.

as they say, faith can move mountains. and my sis-in-law reminded me that i should continue to dream, hope and have faith. after all, these are free.

February 19, 2009

The Art of Letting Go

maybe it is the lesson i have to learn..

being away from home has made me realize the importance of love and support. and i'm getting lots of them now from my family and friends. a number has been chatting me up on the web to wish me birthday greetings and i treasure so much the sharings we've made in just a matter of several minutes. i cling to these words of encouragement like a lifeline during these days when i am starting to feel homesick and depressed.

yes, they are opening my eyes and guiding me on what lessons i need to learn from all that i am going through right now.

and i thought:" Hey, am i really so obtuse? the Lord is testing me to breaking point until i yield myself completely to Him. but i am being very obstinate. sometimes i find it hard to accept that what i want for myself is not at all what the Lord wants for me. a friend said maybe that is the lesson here: You have to learn to let go and move on. but i kept bargaining. and this friend told me: Then stop bargaining with Him. Just ask Him to give you what you deserve.

sometimes however, it crashes my spirit to find that when He answers, it isn't totally what i expected. i feel very humbled in seeing that what i deserve is less than what i have dreamed of. one other friend said that sometimes it's one way of challenging us to move along forward. when there's something to hang on to and look forward to. otherwise, we become complacent with our lot and stop striving.

i don't know. i'm not much of a runner myself. but i guess, i'll stick around to run the race, however rocky the path may be or twisted and crooked. this is quite a journey i am making. and i've got loads more to learn out of life. I just might have to keep on moving along. i realize now, maybe i need to polish on that will of moving on. but first i need to train my heart on the art of letting go.

February 17, 2009


I lost, I’ve lost, I’m lost

Yes, I lost. Just last weekend, I lost a favorite pair of slacks which I left to dry out on the veranda. I can only assume it fell to the lower grounds of the building and I couldn’t find it anymore when I went down to search. Maybe somebody’s gone to pick it up and took it. Maybe it’s found another owner. Maybe. I lost it.

I’ve lost. In my bid to get a good job in a reputable organization, I’ve emailed all my close friends and my family to help me pray that I be chosen. But until now they still hadn’t called back. Maybe the other candidate already got it. Maybe I didn’t pray hard enough. Maybe. I’ve lost hope.

I’m lost. I keep thinking back : Hey, I had it all planned at the start. I went abroad with all great hopes and expectations. But I hadn’t foreseen the economic atmosphere. I hadn’t counted on the crisis looming ahead. I hadn’t prepared myself well for stiff competition. Maybe this is not the place for me. Maybe I am not welcome here. Maybe. I feel lost.

I want to find my place in the sun. More than that, I want to find myself again.

February 14, 2009

Hearts Day

It's heart's day and no one will be left at home tonight but me and Ate Mercy. So off we went also to Al Ghurair just to look at what else is there to see. We stopped along Pic n Save route to buy us some shawarma and Pepsi and walked on towards the mall.

There were so many shops on sale as DSF (Dubai Shopping Festival) is due to end tomorrow. Sadly however we both have no money to splurge so we just spent the next hour and a half going inside the shops and ogling the items on sale.

I was also able to talk to Gina, one former flatmate who has now moved to Sharjah because her work is there. Also texted friends and family to greet them happy heart's day.

And so, before the clock strikes this midnight, here's wishing all my readers a Happy Valentine's Day. May your hearts be full of love.

February 13, 2009

Inspiring Talk

had a very interesting and inspiring talk with flatmates pia and odess.

i received another call a couple of days ago saying that i should go for 2nd round of interview at the company that i have been appying a job for. i was so glad i got shortlisted. have been praying for such a blessing and has been asking everyone close to me to also pray for me that i'd get the job.

after dinner, spent a few minutes with flatmates pia and her sister odess who gave me beautiful words to ponder on that night.

we were exchanging stories of the setbacks we've been through in life- from our previous work, deciding to go abroad, and experiences upon arriving in dubai. and they shared a few insights into their life and shared with me some words of wisdom especially on receiving graces and the acceptance of God's will.

the interview turned out okay. the quality manager is a very kind lady who is softspoken and very smart. she is also a nutritionist like me. now it's down to just two. i do so hope that i will be chosen.

as i was lying on my bed, i remembered the words of encouragement from my former boss when she emailed me: If it is also God's desire for you, He will make the way or He will send you the right people to help you find your goals.

how i want this to be so.

February 09, 2009

Valentine's Day is Near

malamig na naman ang valentine's ko. heto, wala pa ring katuwang sa buhay. =)

i miss all my friends so much. yes, of course, i have my relatives here. but it's different if you are talking to people who share your views and who understand your feelings. people who know exactly where you're coming from; who, borne out of years of being close together and living under the same roof, will automatically say, " I get you. I understand what you're trying to say."

yesterday, i saw new upcoming movies being featured on tv. then i saw a familiar title that was on the bestseller's list some years back. now, i'm feeling all so lonely all of a sudden because i realize i no longer have my friends to watch the movie with. i'm so sure that like in old times, we'd all be laughing so hard and be so noisy inside the movie theater just like when we watched P.S. I Love You last summer.

i'm thinking there's no one that i can invite to watch the movie with since most of the ladies at home are married. i seem to be the only one who's interested enough to watch He's Just Not That Into You. yeah, i know, another chick flick you might say. but what choice do i have here as entertainment? ito lang makakatugon sa kakikayan ko sa ngayon. Haaay....

but anyway, was at last able to go to Global Village. my cousins and i went around looking at what-nots and taking photos of the 'booths' (if you can call them that) of participant countries. the phils has a very big parol so it's quite easy to spot. wish, esmuky was there with us. sadly, he's in Kish, Iran at the moment waiting out the required number of days out of this country before he can re-enter by visit visa again.

posting here some pics...

February 04, 2009

I've Got Mail

got mail today. quite unexpected.. i was sure glad to hear from my former boss again. gave her a very long reply. hahaha... but i appreciate so much her words of encouragement to me. let me share a few lines here.

nakakataba ng pusong isiping hanggang ngayon patuloy pa rin akong binibigyan ng Diyos ng mga paalala at pagpaparamdam na hindi siya titigil na bigyan ako ng patnubay sa mga panahong kailangang kailangan ko ito. maraming salamat po!

February 01, 2009

A Blessed Day

i felt so blessed yesterday. went to mass in the morning with my aunty brenda. the mass was officiated by the bishop who is celebrating his fifth year serving in the vicariate. and there was a congress of the sisters in the UAE and third, a renewing of vows of sister anne murray, headmistress of st mary's. her renewal vow was so wonderful. i felt so blessed being there witnessing her say her vows. and i felt humbled and blessed.

the mass was so nice, the songs so close to my heart, and the girls dancing during the mass were a delight to watch.

an emptying of my cup, a celebration of faithfulness, a desire to serve the Lord at the presentation feast. truly, the Lord picks the most unexpected day or place to bless us. He continues to fill me with His love and mercy, even though i feel i am not worthy. but still, i couldn't bring myself to empty myself upon Him after all this time. my self will is still pushing against His will, even though i know i am powerless. how then can He fill my life? i'm beginning to feel i'm wandering in this journey.