maybe it is the lesson i have to learn..
being away from home has made me realize the importance of love and support. and i'm getting lots of them now from my family and friends. a number has been chatting me up on the web to wish me birthday greetings and i treasure so much the sharings we've made in just a matter of several minutes. i cling to these words of encouragement like a lifeline during these days when i am starting to feel homesick and depressed.
yes, they are opening my eyes and guiding me on what lessons i need to learn from all that i am going through right now.
and i thought:" Hey, am i really so obtuse? the Lord is testing me to breaking point until i yield myself completely to Him. but i am being very obstinate. sometimes i find it hard to accept that what i want for myself is not at all what the Lord wants for me. a friend said maybe that is the lesson here: You have to learn to let go and move on. but i kept bargaining. and this friend told me: Then stop bargaining with Him. Just ask Him to give you what you deserve.
sometimes however, it crashes my spirit to find that when He answers, it isn't totally what i expected. i feel very humbled in seeing that what i deserve is less than what i have dreamed of. one other friend said that sometimes it's one way of challenging us to move along forward. when there's something to hang on to and look forward to. otherwise, we become complacent with our lot and stop striving.
i don't know. i'm not much of a runner myself. but i guess, i'll stick around to run the race, however rocky the path may be or twisted and crooked. this is quite a journey i am making. and i've got loads more to learn out of life. I just might have to keep on moving along. i realize now, maybe i need to polish on that will of moving on. but first i need to train my heart on the art of letting go.