April 17, 2007
In Search of Gratitude
A seemingly dubious sense of false pride swells up deep within me everytime somebody makes me feel so small. Once, I heard the big boss talk about our (us employees’) feeling of entitlement to something he said we should not feel entitled to. At that time, I felt so small, so low, so humiliated. In his attempt to make us realize we should not demand something, I only felt an unabashed sense of humiliation. As if we were groveling at his feet demanding, nay begging (like beggars) for a measly sum of comfort. Since then, I told myself I will not expect anything from the company I work for. Especially when all it did was make me feel so undeserving, I will not allow it to make me feel so small again.
From the boss’s point of view, the company has extended its hand for so long a time that people are generally thinking they have this right when in the first place employee benefits were given as a privilege. True enough, some employees have indeed started acting and feeling in this manner- seeping dry the very well of compassion and concern that has been there offered all this time. However, in fairness to those of us who have not even taken advantage of the benefits, his action only fueled in me a sense of resentment against him, and also against the company he stands for. Since then I’ve felt resolute aversion to my work and have mastered the art of accomplishing things in lackadaisical manner. I cannot seem to find it in my heart to act out a farce.
And I’ve kept asking myself: Should I feel grateful?