April 17, 2007

In Search of Gratitude



A seemingly dubious sense of false pride swells up deep within me everytime somebody makes me feel so small. Once, I heard the big boss talk about our (us employees’) feeling of entitlement to something he said we should not feel entitled to. At that time, I felt so small, so low, so humiliated. In his attempt to make us realize we should not demand something, I only felt an unabashed sense of humiliation. As if we were groveling at his feet demanding, nay begging (like beggars) for a measly sum of comfort. Since then, I told myself I will not expect anything from the company I work for. Especially when all it did was make me feel so undeserving, I will not allow it to make me feel so small again.

From the boss’s point of view, the company has extended its hand for so long a time that people are generally thinking they have this right when in the first place employee benefits were given as a privilege. True enough, some employees have indeed started acting and feeling in this manner- seeping dry the very well of compassion and concern that has been there offered all this time. However, in fairness to those of us who have not even taken advantage of the benefits, his action only fueled in me a sense of resentment against him, and also against the company he stands for. Since then I’ve felt resolute aversion to my work and have mastered the art of accomplishing things in lackadaisical manner. I cannot seem to find it in my heart to act out a farce.

And I’ve kept asking myself: Should I feel grateful?

4 comments:

kauban said...

ngek part of me wants to laugh it off, pero the other part feels sad. Did we ever think back then that our world would be this bad?

...well, for any consolation whatsoever ate, here is what i tell my folks at work. Remember, don't bite the hand that feeds you. Yes, this is very true, because what feeds you is not the boss' generosity really, but rather in the truest sense of the word, they are your own working hands... so don't bite 'em. Trust me. It hurts! >:B

Gigay said...

oo nga. masakit nga siguro 'no?

niweyz, i'm not really much for depending on others. blame this independent streak on pisay. haha! and not to worry, wiz ko type kagatin sarili ko 'no!

Anonymous said...

hi abby!

hey, this is sooooo nice (for want of other words!)...i think we share the same feelings about the boss and all...hope to see you soon. i'll be relocating in makati. will ring you as soon as i get settled. jane s.

A. B. said...

thanks jane!

sure makes me feel a bit better to know i'm not the only one who feels this way. will wait for that call.

btw, where are you connected now?